The Problem Is "Never" the Problem

"A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance". - (Proverbs 28:13 TLB). 


In teaching classes and counseling hurting people I often remind them
that the problem is never the problem and the pain we feel is not the
pain that is. This usually takes a while to sink in.


In most difficulties and conflicts what we see is the presenting problem which, more often than not, is the symptom of a deeper problem or "the fruit of a deeper root."


As someone else said, "When we have unresolved problems/issues, God is merciful in that he gives us symptoms." Relational conflicts, anxiety, insomnia, depression, addictions, spiritual dryness, physical ills, and any of a score of other symptoms can be caused or greatly aggravated by resolved guilt over past unconfessed sins, a
deeply buried resentment and a failure to forgive someone from a past hurt, unresolved grief from the loss of a love, or rebelling against the will of God, etc., etc. The roots of some of these issues can go all the way back to early childhood. All need to be confronted and resolved if we are to fully live and fully love, and maintain sound physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being.


Furthermore, many of our physical symptoms can be symbolic. Some ulcers, for example, are not caused by what we eat but by what is eating us. Tension headaches can be from jamming up anger in our head. Aching shoulders may be caused by feeling under a heavy load and so on. And if I have a pain in the neck ... I may be one, or have someone or some situation in my life that I feel is a pain in the
neck!


Tracing symptoms to their causes and resolving these opens the door for healing and recovery. If we don't connect to and resolve the original pain that is the root cause of our symptoms, we will suffer the ongoing pain of the symptoms. This is what I mean by saying, "the pain we feel is not the pain that is."


After David confessed his sin, he said, "What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven! What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record. There was a time when I wouldn't admit what a sinner I was. But my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration. All day and all night your hand was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, 'I will confess them to the Lord.' And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone." -Psalm 32:1-5, (TLB).


David gives us an excellent example to follow.

What are you still Carrying?

"If you are angry, don't sin by nursing your grudge. Don't let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; for when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil". - (Ephesians 4:25- 26, TLB). 


The story or legend is told how two monks, when traveling back to their monastery in inclement weather, came to the fjord of a river.


There they met a young woman who was afraid to cross the river. Seeing her dilemma one of the monks offered to carry her across the river on his back which offer she accepted.


Later that evening the monk who didn't help the young lady accused the monk who did of breaking the rules of their monastic order. "You know we are to have no dealings with the opposite sex," he said, "and you were wrong in doing what you did."


To which the other monk quietly replied, "I carried her only across the river. You are carrying her still."


When we fail to resolve our anger and keep nursing our grudges, we not only give a "mighty foothold to the devil," but we also hurt ourselves, damage our physical well-being, and do serious harm to our close relationships. As another has said, when we nurse our grudges and fail to forgive those who have hurt us, "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."


So … is there anything you are still carrying? Any grudges … resentments … bitterness … hurts … unresolved grief? If so, I urge you to follow the advice of the scriptures … resolve these issues right away. And, if necessary, see a qualified counselor to help you to do so. Don't carry a heavy heart through out your life. 

Conviction Vs. Compulsion

"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." - 2 Corinthians 3:17.

In my younger days I sincerely wanted to obey God and do his will but was confused about how to know his will.I went through a time when I felt that the "little voice inside my head" was God speaking to me, which I interpreted as a conviction. But I was wrong. It was a compulsion.

Admittedly, it can be tricky to discern between a conviction and a compulsion. I like to compare the difference between the two like that of comparing lust to love. Lust can look like love, smell like love, and feel like love—but is a world apart from love. Love can wait. Lust can't. Love gives. Lust takes. Loveis an energizer and a motivator of persons. Lust is a deceiver and a destroyer of persons.

And so it is with compulsions; they can be from within ourselves, or from the tempter. For instance, if the devil knows he can't pull us down into a life of sin, illicit sex, alcohol and the like, he will try and push us over the top and, as the old saying goes, we become so heavenly minded we are of no earthly use.

Whether from the devil or our own self, compulsions are deceptive and destructive—and are never from God—ever. For "where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty" —always. But where the spirit of compulsion is, there is bondage. A conviction is where you are drawn to follow and you always have the freedom not to do so. With a compulsion, you are driven and feel compelled to do so—it's that little voice inside your head that says, "You've got to do it. You've got to do it. You've got to do it—or something bad will happen if you don't." Taken to an extreme, as it is for those who suffer from the mental illness, OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), it can drive a person—and those whom they live with—"crazy."

Because of compulsions, some Christians do some crazy things in the name of the Lord. True, sometimes God wants some people to do unusual things, but never weird things. For instance, in younger days, had the "little voice in my head" told me to stand on my head, I would have felt compelled to do it. I doubt if I would have done it, but would have felt guilty if I didn't. We need to remember that God's Word says, "Let all things be done decently and in order." -1 Corinthians 14:40 (NKJV). That's wise advice to follow. God has also given us a head as well as a heart, and we need to use both.

Faith Vs. Sincerity

"Let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth ... this man stands here before you whole ... Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved." - Acts 4:10, 12 (NKJV). 


One of my favorite illustrations about "misguided faith" comes from an
advertising piece put out by a business firm. On it was glued a small seed with
the claim that if you have as much faith in our business as you do in this
mustard seed, you will be guaranteed great results.


Some months later a customer wrote back to the company saying, "You will be
interested to know that I planted your mustard seed and it is now grown into a
healthy plant bearing great tomatoes!"


I wonder how many times I've been hoodwinked by a less than honest sales person or manipulated by false advertising. Guess most of us have been at one time or another.


Of much greater significance is how many of us are deceived by the promoters of
false religions.


Too many believe if they live a good life that will get them into heaven.
Others, like I used to believe, believe that if they do enough good things to
outnumber the bad things they've done, that will get them into God's heaven.
Others believe that as all roads lead to Rome so all religions lead to God. Not
so. Such beliefs, no matter how sincere, couldn't be farther from the truth.


The religious Pharisees of Christ's day were zealots in their sincerity but were wrong—totally wrong—in that they missed the very Messiah (Savior) for whom they were looking because he didn't come in the way or did what they expected him to do.


There are many religions today, too, that have very sincere zealots and
religious people who are equally as wrong even though they sincerely believe
that they have THE truth!


Jesus made it clear—very clear—that he was the only way to God. "I am the way,
the truth, and the life," Jesus stated emphatically. "No one comes to the Father
except through Me." - John 14:6 (NKJV).


And God's Word, the Bible, affirms: "Nor is there salvation in any other, for
there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved."


And that name is Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God. Only in him can
forgiveness of sins, salvation, and the gift of eternal life be found.
Furthermore, had there been other ways to God, why on earth would Jesus have
come to earth to suffer an incredibly excruciating death on the cross to pay the
penalty of all your sins and mine?


The question we all need to ask ourselves, "Have I trusted Jesus as my Lord and
Savior? If not right now surrender your life to Him and accept Him as your
personal Saviour.

Mean Bosses

"Instead, we will hold to [speak] the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." - Ephesians 4:15 (NLT). 

 "I have a problem at work with my boss. He is supposed to be a good Christian man, but there seems to be a problem. Every time he loses something or does something wrong, he blames me or another staff member. One day I wasn't even there and something got lost, and he said I had to be the one that moved it. I told him I was out that day, but he insisted it was me. What should I do?"


So what do you do when you have a mean boss?


I once had a job where my boss was an angry yeller. He would yell at us at the slightest provocation. He was much taller than I, so one day when I had had enough of his bullying, I stood on my tip-toes, got right in his face, and yelled at him "Don't yell at me!"


I was much younger in those days and hopefully I'd be a little more tactful
today. Furthermore, I'm not suggesting that you yell at your boss. However, if you stand up to your boss, you need to be prepared to be fired. I didn't get fired, but was prepared to be. I just wasn't going to stand by passively and take his yelling at me—especially when I was and have always been a hard worker. But you know what? When I stood up to him, he crumbled. I sensed that behind his aggressive façade (mask) was a hurt, frightened boy. Amazingly, he never yelled at me again and we ended up getting on very well.


We also need to remember that we go to work to earn a living. At work it would be nice if people would always be nice to us, but that isn't realistic. We can't change the people we work with, and we can't change our boss. But we can change bosses (our job), but if we can't, we can change ourselves and how we respond to nasty people.


It's not easy, I know, but it's up to us. We do have a choice in how we react, keeping in mind that we react—especially when we overreact—on the basis of who we are more than on what the other person does. This doesn't excuse another person's negative behavior, but it does remind us that the only person we can ever change is ourselves.


Most important of all, when I have to be involved with someone I don't like or don't like the way they act, I ask God to help me to be "as Christ" to this person, and that they, seeing Christ in me, will want him for themselves. This kind of change in me doesn't happen instantly—I have to keep working at it.

Blooming Where We're Planted

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:12-13. (NIV). 

Recently, on a warm, spring-like day, I stopped near a bridge to take a picture of a small country village reflecting in the still water below. Just before I returned to the car, a glimpse of yellow caught my eye. Upon closer examination, I realized that it was a daffodil. This flower was far away from any tended garden. It was holding
tenaciously to the sparse soil near a steep embankment. Around it grew weeds. Caught in the weeds were samples of man's careless garbage. I took a picture of the flower and headed back to the car.


Later, as I reflected on the picture, I was reminded of the daffodil's courage and beauty. It would have been much easier for this flower to bloom in a well-groomed garden, one that had proper soil, and was sheltered from the harsh elements of man and nature. Instead, it had bloomed where it was planted, bringing beauty to its austere surroundings.


I believe God challenges us to be like this daffodil: to be content in our surroundings, and to be so rooted and grounded in God that we can grow and bloom in this world. Although we may be only one individual, with God's help, we can make a difference wherever God has planted us.

Come Unto Me

Jesus said, "Come unto me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV).


I have read that one of Denmark's leading sculptors had a consuming ambition to sculpt the greatest stature of Jesus Christ ever made. He began by  painstakingly shaping a clay model of a triumphant, majestic figure. "This will be my masterpiece," he stated on the day the model was completed.


However, during the night, a heavy fog rolled into the area and sea-spray seeped into the sculptor's studio through a partially open window. In the morning, he was shocked to see his model. The droplets of moisture that had formed on the statue created the illusion of bleeding. The head had drooped. The facial expression had melted into compassion. The arms drooped and expressed welcome.  The artist was horrified and was aghast at having to start all over again.


As he kept looking at his statue of the Savior, his thoughts began to take a different shape. He realized that this image of Christ was much closer to reality. He then wrote his caption and placed it under the figure: "Come unto me!"


Indeed, that is the call of Jesus to each of us today, "Come unto me ... and you will find rest for your souls."